LOVE YOURSELF

“Not only do self love and love for others go hand in hand but ultimately they are indistinguishable”
 Loving our self means attending to our self as a whole. Our requirement as a human being is at various levels. We need to attend to our physical, mental, emotional and spiritual aspects. Till we leave any of these aspects unattended, our love for ourselves is incomplete.
Physical care includes nurturing our physical self. The physical body is the temple wherein the divine resides. Do we want the temple to be clean and healthy or dilapidated and abused? Regular physical exercise, proper meal times and healthy food are important to maintain optimum physical fitness. Exercise boosts up our energy levels and gives us a natural high. It keeps us fit and energetic. A nutritional diet and timely meals are important to provide us with the essential fuel. The type of food that we eat is also reflected in our physical states. We don’t have to totally give up things but moderation has to be exercised. If we cannot take care of our own body no one else will. It will help to contemplate that it is our body that remains with us till our last breath. Our body and mind are intertwined.
Are we attentive to absorb inputs, which are positive for our mental well being? We should be fully aware of our thought process. Any thought patterns which lead us to an unresourceful state should not be indulged in. We are what our thoughts are. It is mandatory to keep company of people who help us to grow mentally and have a positive influence on us. The friends that we keep, the discussions that we have, the books we read, the television programs we watch, effect our mind. If we choose to take in garbage then garbage comes out through our words and actions. Nature has given us minds and what we fill our minds with, is our choice. Our mind should remain open to learning. A positive mindset leads to positive emotions and positive actions. Our mental state controls our emotions. If we think positive we will feel good.
We should acknowledge and recognize our full range of emotions without feeling ashamed. It is however important how we handle our emotions. We should not dissipate our energy in an unresourceful state. Repression is not the answer, channelization is. Certain emotions like anger and grief can be channelized to produce amazing results. How we exhibit our emotions can create or destroy our life and can bind or break relationships. We cannot control all situations or people but we surely can control our thoughts, emotions and our response. Our interpretation and response to a situation can create us or destroy us. A cluttered mind and ruffled emotional state leads to actions which we may regret later. Every challenge we face can help us grow if we make a choice to grow and learn. Whether we become better or bitter is a choice we make. We are the solution to all our problems. Our actions our guided by our emotional states. Our actions define who we are.
 Spiritual understanding of our self is the core of our existence. Without attending to our spiritual growth, life can never be beautiful and complete. Putting it most simply, spirituality is the understanding of self. The day we know ourselves completely, all that is worth knowing will be known. The day we understand our self we will have the ability to understand all that we as humans need to understand.
In life, it is always about the self. It is one thing that is always in our own control. Taking responsibility of ourselves and nurturing our self is mandatory for a fulfilling life. All aspects integrate to design who we are. Love is centric; we can only love others truly when we first love our self truly. If we shape our self to someone whom we can truly love and respect, external validation becomes insignificant. However if we can love and respect our self, everyone else will too.
                                                                                                            ANUPAMA

RELATIONSHIPS

Healthy relationships in all areas of our life are essential to our well being. Though we may have different views on what healthy relationships are, certain ingredients remain common.

Anything to grow requires space. A beautiful relationship demands togetherness with space to evolve individually. It is important that we as individuals retain and nurture our individuality. It will help us give space in relationships, as we would understand its significance. It is essential to keep our interests alive and have a personal space that helps us to evolve as better human beings. The courage to trust comes naturally, if we respect our self and have a healthy self esteem. The balance has to be struck between independence and intimacy.

Friendship remains the basis of any relationship, be it life partners, parent child, siblings and of course our close friends.

Respect in any relationship remains the backbone on which the relationship rests. It is important to respect the individual with his individual world which may have his/her set of work commitments, friends, hobbies and principles which we may not necessarily agree with. A good relationship means that we agree to disagree. When we respect the other in most cases we also set the standard of how we will be treated.

  Many a times while trying to discipline our children we cross the line of respect. As parents our concern about them may result in failure to realize that most of our time is spent in correcting them. This may lead to scarce happy moments of togetherness. A child is more likely to understand us if he/she sees a friend in us. Raising a child is balance of unconditional love and support with guidance, giving direction and correction. We can approach our children with gentle explaining and understanding. It is fine to give them space to make them feel responsible. It is also natural for them to make mistakes. If we go back to our childhood, we too made mistakes and we still do, as adults. Its good to be protective but any excesses lead to degeneration of the relationship. It is always more effective to practice what we tell and expect out of our children. Our actions speak louder than our words in any relationship.

Successful relationship with our spouse, siblings and friends, requires the same ingredients of respect, trust, care and space. The need to mould someone according to our parameters is disastrous to any relationship. The urge to control comes with one single phenomenon, which is insecurity. An insecure person will cling, be over possessive, will want to control and mould a person according to his/her needs. The core lies in trusting our own self to be able to trust someone else. Self expansion leads to long-lasting relationships. The golden rule remains “Do unto others what you want other to do unto you”.

It is unfair to burden a loved one to fulfill all our needs, it ends in sheer disappointment .It is important to cultivate our individual space with a sense of purpose, friends and activities that contribute to our experiences and in turn enrich our relationships. It is important to strive to be a complete individual contributing constructively in our relationships. It is human nature that any relationship that gives us the feeling of being imprisoned cannot be healthy and fulfilling. Being alone does not mean being lonely. Physical and emotional space helps the relationship grow stronger as it gives room to grow.

All harmonious relationships are built upon by caring, dependability, responsibility, trust, empathy, acceptance, time for the relationship and time for self. It always works well to see things from the others point of view. We all change with time and experiences and we should respect and value these changes in others too.

It is reassuring to believe that relationships last for ever. But the truth is that there are relationships that will endure and there are relationships which will not. Every person close to us today may not be there in our life to come. Deceit and dishonesty can end a great relationship. When situations arise, our relationships can also change, and that can lead us to examine where we are investing our time and energy. If consciously the decision leads to let go…LET GO and move on

Solve your problems through the power of Prayers.

"Prayer does not change God, but it changes him who prays".  ~Søren Kierkegaard
" Don't pray when it rains if you don't pray when the sun shines".  ~Satchel Paige, 1974
"What things so ever ye desire, when ye pray, believe that ye receive them, and ye shall have them".Mark xi.24)
Prayer is an answer to people who have faith in its power. When the situation seems hopeless, try the power of prayers. It is a device that is extremely potent and effective. All our logical solutions may fail to give us an answer but prayer never fails. Successful people in all fields are realizing that praying helps them to feel and perform better. It enhances our efficiency. The best of ability combined with prayers makes the process and outcome extremely satisfying. It is not old fashioned to pray. Prayer can be used to overcome any hurdles. If we work hard, think positively, are fair in our dealings and pray properly we almost always get the desired result. We have to realize that while praying we are dealing with great power. Any technique which enables you direct the flow of this power within you can be applied. One of the effective ways which can be applied is going to be discussed.

1. Communicating with God (whatever your concept of God is): start to take out time everyday and start the process of communication. Take God as a form (which ever form you are comfortable with) which is with you all the time. Everyday take time  out to spend with your deity alone . Talk daily about the day. Tell God about your problem and seek grace. Ask God to guide you through the problem, with the faith that God will show you the path. Remember at all times, that when God is with you, you have nothing to fear. Also make a regular practice to communicate. Do not make the process just a problem solving technique. It will not work.

2. Visualize with faith and intensity: Once you have communicated the problem to God start doing your bit. There maybe delays in God’s regime but there are no denials. Now start visualizing the desired outcome. Let us assume that, you  are going through a rough patch financially. Your business is not doing too well. Start visualizing with intensity the way you would want your business to be. Visualize a lot of orders coming, an office full of employees reporting to you. Picture in your mind a flourishing office with clients walking in and out. A successful person assumes that he is successful. By doing this you are applying the mechanism of vibrations to send the message of your intentions to the universal energy. These vibrations bring back into your life what you want. Vibrations end at the point of source.

3. Thanking God for actualizing: Start to thank God for granting what you want in life even before you have it. Thank god for all the abundance, happiness and the desired result of your problem in advance. When you acknowledge the presence of what you desire and thank God for his grace it helps you to also negate the origin of any negative thought process.
The entire process has to be followed with positive attitude and faith. Never give up on your communication and faith in God. Also if ever you do not obtain what you desire, know that God has better plans for you. You will be surprised at the miracle to get a much better deal. God helps those who help themselves so never leave any stone unturned in your actions. Actions and prayers have to go hand in hand. This technique can be applied to persons who do not believe in God by reposing the faith in their own self. They should know that no circumstances are bigger than ones self. Life is much easier for believers especially when the going gets tough.

Anupama.

Control Anger before it controls you

“How much more grievous are the consequences of anger than the causes of it”.Marcus Aurelius

Anger is a normal human emotion. The problem lies when it gets out of control and turns destructive for ourselves and others.Fire consumes our body when we die but uncontrolled anger consumes our entire being while we are living.We all have at some point experienced the consequences of anger.The consequences are more often worse than the reason which caused the anger.Anger is a secondary emotion arising from frustation,fear or hurt.It is important how we handle it.We also need to clearly understand the cause of anger to identify the core emotion.

We should control anger before it controls us and all we are left with is regret. Anger has never been a solution to any problem. It may however further worsen the situation. It is an established fact that most murders are not premeditated acts but crimes committed in moments of frenzy. Suppressing anger and nursing grudges is as bad as uncontrolled expression of anger. Both ways are equally damaging. Suppression is sometime bound to ignite like dry wood. It does equal damage to our physical and mental health. It becomes a matter of concern the day we feel we are helpless when anger strikes us. Uncontrolled anger can create problems for us at work, in our personal relationships and reduces the overall quality of life. Anger is accompanied by physiological and biological changes within our body. When we get angry our heart rate and blood pressure go up. There is an increase in levels of hormones like adrenaline and generating energy strong enough for vigorous action.A frequent or continued state takes it toll on our health. Anger is strongly linked to health problems like high blood pressure, heart problems, arthritis, depression to name a few.It is not difficult to combat this problem the day we decide to work on it.Some simple and practical steps can be tried.

1. Communication:       Putting our point across firmly but without losing our cool is an effective way to show our displeasure. Screaming, using foul language is a display of your inability to handle your own self. Whenever you are angry think-------.What are you going to gain by it? How is the other person going to lose by it? Our physical anger brings dishonor to ourselves and our mental anger disturbs our thinking. To communicate choose a time when the anger churning up has passed away so that you can think and behave rationally. Choose your words carefully and listen carefully to what the other person has to say.

2. Cognitive restructuring:     It simply means to change the way we think. Most of the times even a justified anger in no time, can get out of bounds. Our thinking tends to become exaggerated and a small issue may seem too big. It is important to be realistic without over dramatizing a situation. It may be a sticky situation but it is not the end of the world. Direct your thinking to find a solution rather than wasteful thinking of the problem. Sometimes the solution may only lie in facing and handling the situation. Face it and keep telling yourself that anger will not make things better.

3. Meditation: Regular meditation helps to ease our anger and over a period of time we may actually do away with anger. Inculcate meditation as an everyday part of your lifestyle and see the amazing change in your attitude.

4. Change in environment: Immediate solution to rising anger can be immediately removing yourself from the cause .Then shift your focus to something entirely different, or engage yourself in a physical activity like a brisk walk, take deep breaths counting backwards from 100 to 0 etc.

Learn to be assertive not aggressive. Your external response as well as your internal physiological changes accompanied with anger need to be calmed. There will always be provocations but the wise know that anger is no solution. Anger can be directed to a constructive task. MADD (mothers against drunk driving) was formed by a mother who lost a teenage son to drunk driving. She directed her anger and grief to make the society aware of the hazards of driving after drinking. Direction of anger to a constructive cause helps to unleash the anger without suppression or destruction.

ANUPAMA